90% of the time Trent is an amazing kid. I look at him and still cannot believe he ishalf of me and half of my favorite person inthe world. It can take my breathaway. But that other 10%? R.O.U.G.H. Saturday, when Trent finally fell asleep at naptime after a long battle,I sat on my cousin’s couch just crying. Trent can be mean. He gets thatfrom me, and I recognize that. But itdoesn’t make it any easier to parent him when I am trying to teach him to use ‘gentlehands’ (when beating the cr@p out of his cousin or his mommy) or thatscratching/hitting/biting/hair pulling/head butting are not acceptable ways toshow you are frustrated. I try so hardto keep calm when talking with him. Itry so hard to parent him with love. Butthere are times, like Saturday, where I just lose my cool.
It started in the morning – I was in the bathroomtrying to get ready to leave for the water park, when I heard screaming/cryingcoming from another room. I rush out ofthe bathroom to find Connor pinning Trent to the bed, yet Connor was the onecrying with a small wound on his neck. Based on that, Trent picked on Connor so much (who is so mild-mannered) thathe lashed out. Connor has Trent byprobably 2 inches and 10 pounds, which is a lot when you’re 3. I spanked Trent, but all that turned into wasa battle over him hitting me or defying me and me spanking him again. Mommy fail. Another battle ensued over Trent not wanting to wear his bathing suit. In what world is it normal for a parent tohave to spank their kid over going to the water park? We had a great time at the water park, butthen another battle broke out over nap time. I was yelling at him about ‘you better take a nap or else’. #1 – yelling? Really? #2 – ‘or else’…that isreally informative to a toddler what you mean. He finally did take a nap, but I sat there feeling helpless. When you wonder how your kid likes you at alland isn’t scared of you because it seems like all you did that day was punishhim…that’s a low place to be. I reallyprayed for wisdom and strength and to rededicate myself to focusing on teachinghim with love in my voice and heart. He’sstill a baby in so many ways! LuckilySaturday evening and yesterday were much better days. I don’t think he’s turned into a differentkid overnight, and I’m thinking my attitude makes a big difference in how ourday goes. I know, I know, it’s taken me3 years to figure that one out? At theend of the day, I know we both love each other more than is even fathomable…butseriously…this mommy business? It’shard!
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